So many people tell me “I should be able to get my house organized on my own” as they explain how tired and overwhelmed they feel about their home and belongings. They express shame and embarrassment over struggling. All the while, as they struggle the feelings get bigger and the disorganization grows.
Why do so many of us feel like we should go it alone? And why do we feel so badly when we struggle?
Why We Feel This Way
As a former middle school teacher, I am very familiar with the embarrassment of “failing”, resistance to help, and disorganization. These are human experiences that aren’t limited to adults or to teens. The reasoning behind it varies for everyone but some common influences may include:
- Overt or unintentional messaging from the adults around us when we were young. Remember prepping for the arrival of guests by spending hours getting the house “ready”?
- Shows and movies depicting solo-functioning protagonists who don’t need help except for the occasional pat on the back from their sidekick.
- Observations of how others were (mis)treated when they were learning, made mistakes, or did things differently.
- A “Keeping up with the Jones’” mentality that promotes critical comparison.
- Rigid ideas about what a home/office “should” look like that doesn’t take into account different people’s preferences, neurodivergent needs, or values.
- Feelings about chores. Were chores used a punishment or as a time the family worked together?
Try This
Grab a journal, open a blank document, or find a listening partner. Choose an amount of time (5 minutes? 15 minutes?). Write or talk about what it was like to do chores when you were young. What feelings come up when you think about decluttering or organizing now? Who did you see putting things away when you were young and how did they feel about it? When the time is up, stop. If you choose to repeat this activity in a few days or weeks you may notice new thoughts, ideas, or memories! This is a good thing.
A note about listening partners: a listening partner is someone who agrees to listen to you for a period of time while you think and feel. When the time is up, switch so that you can listen to your partner. The time is not intended to be a back and forth conversation. The listener should avoid asking questions or chiming in with their thoughts or experiences. Let the talker take the lead and follow their mind and express their feelings.
Need a Hand?
Whether you’re clearing clutter, creating systems, or preparing for a major life transition, you don’t have to do it alone. At Declutter Kitsap, we’re here to guide you with compassion, clarity, and proven strategies tailored to your life.
Let’s make your space work for you, beautifully and intentionally.
Reach out today to schedule a Discovery Call to learn more about how we can help you move forward with confidence.